Superpicklr

sdfcomix:

royalboiler:

I’m aware that I have a pattern of getting upset and lashing out.

When I made the recent 5 page comic, it was an attempt to push people away and at least control the narrative. If I was going to be a villain it would at least be on my own terms.

I am aware this isn’t a healthy way to react, and is something I’m working on with a therapist. I have an amazing girlfriend who wants me to do better, so I wanted to write this with her.

It’s important that I be clear that nothing of what I said was an attempt to attack anyone’s race or gender. (The character Stanley, from 1994’s a Troll in Central park is in no way a depiction of a black person, but it was also a shitty thing to do.) I took it down after speaking to a peer about how I shouldn’t treat other people in such an aggressive way because of how i felt i was being treated. It was punching down and it was mean for the sake of being mean. I am sorry for how I expressed myself.

This is no way an attempt to redeem myself, ask for pity or paint myself as anything other than a flawed person who would ideally like to do better.

The last few years have been rough in my personal life – to put it mildly – personal stuff followed by public professional failures that I was in no good position to handle with tact. These aren’t excuses, I just want to be honest about where my head has been at.

If I had to do it over again I would’ve directly reached out to the woman who had made the initial accusation against me. but I found it to be so insulting and dramatic that I didn’t feel like it left me with any middle ground to meet on. I can say with certainty and self-awareness that I’m not a predator or a serial harasser, I’ve been with a few trans women over the years but to call that a pattern of abuse that I’m lying about is overreaching as well as dismissive to the agency of the women I’ve seen. –

Regardless, I didn’t handle it well and would do things differently.

When me and Alejandra talked about writing this a big part of it was in both of our frustration in how she has been depicted as an victim or a child.

I feel like anyone who has ever spoken to her would be well aware than neither are the case– she has been through so much in her life and has managed to grow from rough experiences into a stronger and better person, something that I admire in her and hope to learn from myself.

– Brandon

And Alejandra wanted to type somethings for herself:

I asked Brandon to let me write something on here, I felt it was important and necessary after the conversation being opened by him in not the best way to leave it. Before I get painted as being used as a human shield, I wanna say that it was my suggestion that he write this and that I shared some of my thoughts. I’m not even trying to defend Brandon either, rather express things in this situation in a more positive and honest way. We had a serious conversation about the way he handled this recent situation, how upset it made me and how poor his judgement was. I gave my perspective on what I see as unresolved anger issues (not an excuse but a cause, I suppose). Brandon and I have been together for a year or so, and living together for almost a full year as well, I wasn’t around when he had past public tantrums (we had only started hanging out when the Chaykin cover situation happened), and not for nothing, but I’ve got a good head on my shoulders (it’s usually the place I like to keep it) and me being around has made him see things from different perspectives that he might’ve been blind to in the past. I guess what I’m trying to say is we’re working on it.

It was very important to me to make it clear that this isn’t trying to ~put fires out~ or fix anything or change peoples’ feelings or anything other than be honest. I want to change the default mode from reactive to proactive, at least introspectively. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes, we need to learn from them.

I wanna address quickly how gross I find the messages I’ve gotten about this. I love Brandon dearly, and I’m by his side on everything, but I’m also my own human being and I don’t think I deserve to be attacked for things I’ve not done (but hey that’s just me).

I also wanted to talk about some things that have been bothering me about the way I’m included in this overall conversation. Firstly in relation to the original accusations that were made in regards to Brandon, a lot of the talk around it was using me as ammunition (and that’s even if I was being considered at all), which is not only insulting but also poor judgement as I am partly involved in the situation that sparked it. Secondly, I wanna reiterate that I am not a victim, I’ve seen a few people the past days mention my name in very condescending ways that are honestly hurtful and erasing my agency in my relationship. I am a very good judge of character, as I’ve had to learn to be and I don’t expect people who don’t know me to know my life but I’d consider it respectful to treat me like I know what I’m doing and what’s happening around me. I also got some messages asking me if he was “keeping me quiet” or “forcing me to stay with him”, I’m very upset about that. Lastly, age is something that’s been brought up ever since Brandon and I started dating, I even made a comic about it once. We have a considerable age gap, but again I’d appreciate the benefit of the doubt in that I am a smart, capable adult. The dynamics of our relationship and circumstances of our courtship are honestly nobody’s business, but it’s never been anything other than two people who met and liked each other enough to start dating and fall in love. Our careers are not connected by anything other than him retweeting my work online, so I find it insulting the implication that that’s what this is about or that my (few) career opportunities are because we sleep in the same bed.

That’s all I wanted to say.

– Alejandra.

I would like to add something to the situation with @royalboiler.

For one, I totally get what he was trying to convey with the diss track comics. It wasn’t racialized hatred. It wasn’t a transphobic disparagement. This was a flippant retaliation against a segment of comics that has fallen in line, one after another, with assassinating his character and tarnishing his reputation. Honestly, I would find it difficult not to produce the same thing if I were in his shoes. It isn’t healthy behavior, but then again the things being said about him and about Alejandra and the whole controversy isn’t healthy, for anybody. I mean, this is what happens when someone is dragged through the mud over mere accusations. It’s symptomatic of a call-out culture and I rather have things be settled diplomatically and in private. There are toxic people in comics and they aren’t all on the same page and they aren’t all on the same end of the sociopolitical spectrum and they’re the ones to stand to gain from this. I’m not going to give names, but I get the feeling they probably know who they are, how I feel about them and they really don’t care what I think, which is fine. These aren’t people I want anything to do with, not until they stop contributing to this cycle of dogpiling Twitter circus nonsense on to everyone.

Second, I get taking the diss track comics down. They were inevitably fueling the fires raging in comics. That’s not something I neither want, nor would I want for my friends to be involved in. Also, it’s probably a good thing not to give in to that kind of retaliative behavior. I know I personally have a vindictive side and it’s something that comes from dealing with bullies all throughout my life. However, being an adult means accepting that one is solely responsible for one’s own behavior and not that of other people. Getting back at people never ends well. That’s how the bullied become the bully. Eye for an eye making the world blind and all that; Ghandi said something along those lines. Also, recognizing that one might have an anger problem and making an effort to change isn’t the behavior of a “cuck” or whatever toxic masculine bravado nonsense some Internet Tough Guys like to make it into. And yeah, this might sound hypocritical because I was saying I enjoyed and agreed with those diss comics. At the same time though, maybe it’s best not to air that uglier side of one’s self. Everyone’s got a side they don’t want to show, that they shouldn’t show people. For many people involved in this controversy, their ugly sides are showing. But again, for many people, their ugly sides ARE their natural faces.

Third, I’d like to talk about friendship. It’s not my responsibility to be a helicopter parent for people. That’s patronizing and just plain silly. And it doesn’t work well to try when you see where a friend is coming from and you feel the same way. It’s like a conflict of interest or something. At the end of the day, though, a good friend wants the best for their friends. While I so badly want to paint the skies red with fury about how infuriating this whole thing has transpired and how it’s incredibly unfair that a guy can’t scrawl some savage remarks on paper without feeling guilt and being made the villain—when really the people who would so easily and readily burn him at the stake feel zero guilt about it and in fact revel in the endeavor. Again, my understanding of that feeling comes from being bullied. The cruelest thing about being bullied isn’t the harm that is inflicted; it’s being in a position where one can’t fight back without suffering consequences. Suffering on both fronts. I guess the mature thing here, though, is to recognize that anger is a cancer that feeds and grows off of one’s insecurities. I mean, it’s not good to walk around with images of strawmen in one’s head. It’s not healthy to imagine people as enemies. But fuck, is it hard not to.

Fourth, I’d like us all to get back to making comics. That would be for the best. Learn from our mistakes.

@tessfowler But do you know what you’re doing? It’s frightening when folks put this much fuel on the crucifixion-fire. As @sdfcomix mentioned, social media is rampant with toxicity. People just jump right onto the bully bandwagon. Is it because they are retaliating for being the victim themselves at one point. Regardless, bullying is bullying. Doing it on a social stage of this size is risky—for everyone involved. This goes beyond trolling (they can be ignored).But when someone is accused to this degree, the accused is put in a precarious situation—one where the accusers can use the accused’s reaction to their advantage every time, no matter what is said or done by that person. If they stay silent, that’s a big gamble too. This is when I’m so damn glad I’m a nobody and plan to stay that way. What a sick society we live in. I feel so bad for those people who have been taken advantage of or are victims of someone else’s abuse of power or position. That’s never good. I guess it’s easy to paint a white, middle-aged man as evil (basically, that demographic is responsible for the majority of all things gone bad in human history at this point). But, as a witness to successful movements made by minorities of the past (e.g., African Americans, gay, and now trans), it’s the civil, non-violent approaches that make the most significant headway. I realize we’re all cheering when Harvey Weinstein’s head is on a stake and carried through cities and neighborhoods across America, giving us less fortunate and beaten down folks the chance to spit on him, scream and yell, and get our pent up anger and frustrations out. Maybe we all need to take a deep breath and check ourselves first before sending spicy tweets. We are in a phase of our society where our laws and justice system are lagging behind what we perceive to be unresolved crimes perpetrated by foul, vicious, pathetic losers who can’t control their weaknesses. Maybe rethink how your words come off. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Anger and fear are so cancerous. Don’t let them grow as tumors devouring your soul and expressing themselves through the same bullying tactics you campaign against. Blah Blah. Blah. Rant. Rant. Rant. (we’ve all got our shit views…I thought I’d contribute to the malignant hypocritical form know as social media).